He’s huge on Twitter, where he’s an recognized modern-day master for the lowbrow bon mot, having amassed a fan base of 2,919,691 souls who hold on their every “My mouth could be the Don King of my penis” and “I thought I experienced to fart however it proved it absolutely was simply a poop.” He’s everywhere when you look at the gossip press, frequently associated with celebrity ex-girlfriends, the being that is last Aniston, whom used Minka Kelly, whom implemented Jessica Simpson, etc. And each time he views a paparazzi, he can’t assist himself, he’s got to act away; simply one other time, he and their buddy the well-known lesbian Samantha Ronson involved in a little bit of hot up-against-the-wall-oral-sex silliness for the cameras. Actually nutrients.

He believes about this constantly. He speaks about any of it endlessly. He desires a gf, a genuine life-partner gf. It’s been a time that is long. Plus it’s simply not taking place.

“All I would like to do now could be fuck the girls I’ve currently fucked, in them, and they’re going, ‘But you’re John Mayer! because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested’ So I’m going backwards to maneuver forward. I’m too freaked off to satisfy anyone else.”

He sets straight straight down their drink.

“What you think?” he says. “Do you would imagine it’s planning to take conference somebody who I admire significantly more than I admire myself?

But is not moreover it in regards to a breathtaking vagina? Aren’t we speaking about a matrix of a few various things right right here? Like, you’ll want them manage to get toe-to-toe to you intellectually. But you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend don’t they also have to have a vagina? Doesn’t that need to be here, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas?”

So the search continues. He understands she actually is available to find an american wife you. And then he will likely not stop her, and her Joshua Tree of vaginas until he finds.

Their alternatives, he states, generally boil right down to “urban technical, Japanese schoolboy, white Jay-Z or thin, sleek rock man.”

he’sn’t done Japanese schoolboy in a whilst but today slips into thin, sleek stone man, in black colored cargo jeans and a set of white Mastermind sneakers. While the day wears in, he may phone their shrink, which he does on “an as-needed basis.” He may exercise the fighting that is israeli of Krav Maga, which he got completely into after splitting up with a lady and determining to “get great at one thing she does not find out about.” He may phone his buddy Bob, an other vintage-watch nut, to talk about their collections. Mayer’s will probably be worth at the very least $20 million; he is able to recite their holdings by heart; he understands all of the figures; he once found A rolex that is rare dial, which can be now referred to as “the Mayer dial.” An obsessive, he’s additionally collected sneakers, women’ handbags, digital digital digital cameras, a lot of material. He owns a bulletproof vest – “I looked up Ca penal rule 12022.2, subsection B. In this state, I’m lawfully permitted to wear it” – and really wants to possess an M4A1 assault rifle, “just to get, ‘Look the things I have actually that nobody else has.’” He when got magician David Blaine to show him simple tips to hold their breathing then did therefore for four mins, 17 moments, no tricks included, which states a complete lot in regards to the style of man he could be: tenacious, nutty and blue-in-the-face often.